If you didn't know already, I got a Wiiiiii for Christmas. Actually I got it the day after Christmas; the EB Games in 4th Street happened to have one left after someone reserved it and couldn't pick it up. Lucky me! Actually I've been thinking about it, this is the first video game console I've ever purchased (the PS2 was won in a raffle); what does this say about me? In this point in my life, are video games the most important thing? It certainly seems that way; all I've done in the past two days is play Elebits, and today I picked up Wario Ware: Smooth Moves. Granted, there's nothing else to do because there's a snowstorm outside and I'm just starting my classes this semester, and you know how those first few days go. But it feels so... wrong and incomplete.

Ben is in a jazz ensemble this semester, and now his life is all about playing the bass. Which it was before, but now he's actually required to practice everyday for class. He's got a full load of classes, might be joining another jazz combo, and works part-time at his school library. He's completely overworked, and he says that he couldn't be happier simply because he's finally doing what he wants to do - play bass in a group. So this gets me thinking, what do I want to do? It's taken me four years to convince myself that I WANT to stick with graphic design and that I can't change majors (or schools) anymore. But what happened to my 13 years of piano and 9 years of violin? Being in the YPAS Philharmonic was the happiest time in my life (along with my two years of photography with Mr. Curtis). Should I get back into an orchestra?

It's not that I didn't try - when I first went to OSU I contacted the orchestra teacher, and I did the same when I came to Kent State. Howeeeever, both teachers never replied to my emails, and settling into my new schools became top priority. I enlisted myself for one of the most time-consuming majors ever. Also, it was hard to find an ensemble to join that wasn't strictly for music majors. These are my excuses. But not playing in an orchestra is looking to be one of my top regrets later in life if I don't do anything about it soon. I always remember this old Chinese man who came to my house when I was in high school; no clue who he was, but apparently he was a great violin player. I was practicing violin when he came over, and he asked if he could play my violin. First he ran some really fast scales and then started playing bits and pieces of famous works. But after that, he handed the violin back to me with the saddest look on his face and told me that he quit playing a long time ago and that he wished he hadn't. Over these past few years, I've had the image of that man stuck in my head every time I turn to the classical radio station, or hear some great orchestral music. That's going to be me, I thought.

I've been all bothered ever since Ben joined this ensemble, because now I just feel like a failure. And this wouldn't be such an issue if I hadn't already recognized this empty feeling I have when I tell people I'm a photo-illustration major. I know that photography and graphic design are two fields that I absolutely love (and I'm going to STICK WITH THEM), but every time I say that I'm a photo-ill major, I always follow it up with a "Yea...", trail off, and try to picture myself at a design firm. It doesn't happen. I don't know, can you major in traveling, taking photos, and eating good food? Or perhaps owning your own shop? Because that's all I can imagine myself doing. I've been playing a ridiculous amount of video games lately; I thought maybe that could be a hobby to pursue. I started Kawaii Gamer and almost applied to GameStop today, but something in the back of my head keeps telling me that I should just play the games rather than pursue the industry. But I could also be happy imagining myself with popular video game blog and going to all the cool conferences and getting stuff for free ^_^ Siiigh...

But back to my cold, empty feeling. It could very well be a need to play music. I did randomly ask for my violin to be fixed up for Christmas, maybe my heart already knew what it was. But it's been four years, I barely remembered what the word "fermata" meant when I saw it the other day, and I'm sure college orchestra is nothing like high school orchestra. Something tells me that I'll find out that music isn't what I'm looking for, and I'll be back at square one. But I guess I'll just have to try to see, huh. Maybe I'll give it a shot this fall, or even the summer if I can. I hope my neck problem clears up by then, it's come back with a vengeance and I think I'll probably have to start physical therapy again. I just hope that what I'm searching for isn't video games; it's an awfully expensive hobby...

Listening: Nelly Furtado - Loose
Playing: Elebits (Wii)
Watching: Sex and the City